This is day 0.5.
I’m sprawled on the floor. There are Ferrero Roche wrappers spread across the coffee table, and an empty Favourites box lies among them.
I have a glass of juice and 4 different screens sending and receiving at my side.
It’s the first Sunday I don’t have assessments and essays to grade, or lessons to plan. I’m won’t see any of my student now till the end of Janu…CRAP I have to email that kid….hang on….
Okay, NOW I won’t see my students until the end of January. And this is how I choose to celebrate that.
I haven’t actually made any effort to change my lifestyle. Yet. But what an opportunity to introduce you guys to my appalling day to day.
I never meant to allow myself to reach this point. And I know it’s a point. I’m in a different space, physically and mentally to all of my friends and family. Even to myself 12 months ago.
I don’t feel full the way I used to. I can eat a whole bag of chips, and still move on to a meal. At that meal – I can keep going till the plates are clean. I use the end of the packet as a hunger cue now. Not my own body. I’m deaf to my own freakin body.
It’s started to have a real impact on my fitness too. My calves burn faster, and for much longer during cardio now, and my wardrobe has shrunk down to leggings and billowy-butt-covering-tops.
And to top it all off, I’ve become dependent on food for emotional balance. When my day starts to spiral out of control, I’d crave something gooey and chocolaty. To the point where my students, bless them, have figured it out. One memorably bad week a few months ago, I developed a rather nasty cough (oh yeah, immunity is low when one survives off junk food and chocolate too.) I ended up leaving school half-way through the day, and returned the next day to find three nervous students armed with chocolates and chocolate cake waiting by my desk. Am I mad? No. Am I making excuses? No. Do I want to remove chocolate and chocolate-bearing-students from my life. No.
But I really do need to get in control. So I’ve got my blog. I’ve started an instagram and I brought a diary. Somehow, something is going to keep me motivated. I’m hoping that thing will be me, but just in case…
Day 0…. .5.
This starts now.