Documenting my descent from 124kg.

Sunday Afternoon

This is day 0.5.

I’m sprawled on the floor. There are Ferrero Roche wrappers spread across the coffee table, and an empty Favourites box lies among them.

I have a glass of juice and 4 different screens sending and receiving at my side.

It’s the first Sunday I don’t have assessments and essays to grade, or lessons to plan. I’m won’t see any of my student now till the end of Janu…CRAP I have to email that kid….hang on….

Okay, NOW I won’t see my students until the end of January. And this  is how I choose to celebrate that.

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I haven’t actually  made any effort to change my lifestyle. Yet. But what an opportunity to introduce you guys to my appalling day to day.

I never meant to allow myself to reach this point. And I know it’s a point. I’m in a different space, physically and mentally to all of my friends and family. Even to myself 12 months ago.

I don’t feel full the way I used to. I can eat a whole bag of chips, and still move on to a meal. At that meal – I can keep going till the plates are clean. I use the end of the packet as a hunger cue now. Not my own body. I’m deaf to my own freakin body.

It’s started to have a real impact on my fitness too. My calves burn faster, and for much longer during cardio now, and my wardrobe has shrunk down to leggings and billowy-butt-covering-tops.

And to top it all off, I’ve become dependent on food for emotional balance. When my day starts to spiral out of control, I’d crave something gooey and chocolaty.  To the point where my students, bless them, have figured it out. One memorably bad week a few months ago, I developed a rather nasty cough (oh yeah, immunity is low when one survives off junk food and chocolate too.) I ended up leaving school half-way through the day, and returned the next day to find three nervous students armed with chocolates and chocolate cake waiting by my desk. Am I mad? No. Am I making excuses? No. Do I want to remove chocolate and chocolate-bearing-students from my life. No.

But I really do need to get in control. So I’ve got my blog. I’ve started an instagram and I brought a diary. Somehow, something is going to keep me motivated. I’m hoping that thing will be me, but just in case…

Day 0…. .5.

This starts now.

 

 

Day 0

Hello.

My name is ThunderThighs.

This is me.

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I’m 28 and a half years old, a teacher, straight, a woman, a New Zealander, single, a casual-gamer, obese. Pick a label!

I don’t have a particularly unique story; I’ve been on the heavier side for most of my life. I dieted on and off through my teens – dabbling in risque and just plain dumb eating habits and hit a ridiculously high number on the scales. Tale as old as time.

I enjoy being active. I like lifting heavy, and love to dance. I have high hopes that I shall one day join the ranks of suave, sophisticated morning joggers, and the summer just past I discovered I’m not half bad at paddle boarding.

I love a plethora of more sedentary pastimes too; gaming, TV, crochet, warbling off-key to a badly strummed ukulele… And food. Oh boy do I love food. I have whole relationships in my life constructed wholly around food. Some of my closest friends became so only from mutual appreciation of overpriced campus cafes.

But perhaps the most important thing about me – important in regard to this blog that is – is that I am 124kg. That’s 273.3lb or about 19 and a half stone. And I don’t want to be.

If I am to get any better at my active pursuits, if I am to have the energy to face 150 teenagers everyday, if I am to live – I mean really LIVE – to a ripe and respectable old age (I’m gunning for 101) then I need to make some changes. Quick smart.

But, I am a procrastinator. A do-later-er. Accountability is not my strong suite. The 4 classes of papers to grade staring me down right now are evidence of this. As is the fact that I am writing this blog post instead of attending to them. Long story short – I need accountability. So I’m dusting off an old blog URL I had from my early graduate years. I’d love to make contact with others like me. If you’re trying to get some excess weight off – let me know. I’d love to read your stories.

So hello world.

This is me.

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For now.